Dwenius

Writer's Block: First and only

Posted on May 2, 2010 | 1 Comment

Willy Wonka, godammit.

Shel Silverstein

Posted on April 29, 2010 | 1 Comment

We have taken a momentary break from the Papa-tales at bedtime– which is a relief, honestly, because we were deep into reruns and I was desperate for a little more variety and a shorter bedtime routine as the moving/house-hunting/etc. ramps up– and out of almost nowhere, both little ones are interested in _Where the Sidewalk Ends_. We tried before, but something didn't click. Now they can't get enough.

Now, thanks to this book, Calvin tells me, "I think that boogers are actually snail teeth. You know, from the sharp toothed snail that lives in everyone's nose! His teeth break and then when you blow your nose they fall out!"

and then two nights ago, the two of them stayed up probably 90 minutes past their bedtime, cackling in the dark at each other while they used various funny voices to recite this gem:

My beard grows to my toes,
I never wears no clothes.
I wraps my hair
Around my bare,
And down the road I goes.

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Posted in Uncategorized

Glowing in a different way

Posted on April 12, 2010 | 1 Comment

So it's a little too early in the day to break a new set of glowsticks for the kiddies, so I put on Joan Jett.

No, wait, work with me here a minute.

So I put on Joan Jett, or rather I put on Calvin's iPod playlist, to which I have just added Joan Jett, and because the iPod shuffle algorithm is shadowy and mysterious, it pulls out "I Love Rock and Roll" first up. It should here be noted that when A. is away, it gets kind of loud around here.

It takes all of 3 chords before both of the little ones are rocking out in their own way. Calvin is trying to keep his feet in the same place and see how far he can get his hips from his hands without falling over. Rose is hopping around like a frog on all fours and wiggling her butt in the air with no sense of rhythm whatsoever.

Alas, an elbow hits a nose moments later and the spell is broken. But just for a minute there, heart asplode.

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Posted in calvin, kids, rose, Uncategorized

Tagged calvin, kids, music, rose

Protected: Capitalism at work

Posted on March 17, 2010 | Enter your password to view comments.

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Tagged people who should be slapped, whiskey tango foxtrot, work

Protected: modern tools are useless

Posted on February 16, 2010 | Enter your password to view comments.

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Tagged imagine if i gave a shit, people who should be slapped, whiskey tango foxtrot, work

Sunday morning

Posted on February 14, 2010 | 3 Comments

Wife: asleep
Dog: chewing on a deer antler
Children: watching _Duck Amuck_
Self: Coffee and a new nethack character.

That's as close as it gets to church around here.

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Posted in Uncategorized

Bedtime stories, updated

Posted on February 9, 2010 | 4 Comments

This would all make a great webcomic if there were 50 hours in a day in which to create it…

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Posted in calvin, kids, rose, Uncategorized

Tagged calvin, kids, rose

SF area peeps

Posted on February 3, 2010 | 3 Comments

Those of you who aren't too old or too busy parenting to go out on a school night, THIS:

http://www.dnalounge.com/calendar/2010/02.html#04

…looks like exactly the kind of S.F. music throwdown you would expect to kick all known ass. Two words: Kid Beyond. Three more plus a hyphen: Smash-Up Derby (Mashups, but *played live*, not mixed/DJ'd). Plus a group I don't know, Gooferman, but they are the house band for the Bohemian Carnival and really, what else do you need to hear? GO.

Then tell me how it was, since I'm old.

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Protected: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Posted on January 28, 2010 | Enter your password to view comments.

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Dubious, yet satisfying, achievement

Posted on January 21, 2010 | 2 Comments

1 5134296 plord-Wiz-Elf-Mal-Cha ascended to demigod-hood 106 [278]

I have been playing the "modern" version of nethack, with the Quests and Elemental Planes and other "new" features, since its release in 1993. I had previously ascended some characters in the 2.0 and 3.0 versions, but for the last SEVENTEEN YEARS I'd never so much as sniffed the endgame in version 3. Some of that is the huge reduction in available playing time since moving West, startup workload, family, but still. You get tired of having your one good character of the year get hit by a thrown potion of paralysis and then nibbled to death by a pony.

To give you some idea, I started playing this particular character probably 2 years ago. So, the game is NOT eating my life as it once did. It took about 135,000 moves and 2 of my 5 amulets of life-saving (holy crap, the Elemental Planes are HARD), but late yesterday, "An invisible choir [sang], and [I was] bathed in radiance"

Then, immediately thereafter, I rolled up a lawful monk who, on dungeon level 2, walked over a polymorph trap, turned into a Lichen, and was killed by starvation shortly thereafter.

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Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged beating the rng, games, nethack, yaap, yasd

CTHLEGO FHTAGN!

Posted on January 14, 2010 | 7 Comments

Lego has a new "Atlantis" set.

Atlantis. Right. Get a look at this guy (wrong color, but still):

…then check out this tableaux, the so-called Gateway of the Squid:

The only larger images I could find are embedded in Flash but zooming in reveals an altar with a squid medallion sitting in front of that closed gate, plus a trapdoor under the mind control apparatus. I think we all know what's going on here. Who knew the Danes were doomsday cult worshipers of the Great Old Ones?

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Posted on January 11, 2010 | 5 Comments

We're at a dual birthday party yesterday, brother and sister aged 7 and 1, with a crowd spanning that entire age range as all siblings were invited. It is a Star Wars themed party and among other festivities there is a Death Star pinata. After much fruitless bashing– really, when was the last time you saw a pinata actually burst open as designed?– one of the Jedi masters "Used the Force" and tore the thing open.

Chaos ensues. And there, in the middle of the scrum, Rose is methodically, carefully, reaching in, under, and around the teeming throng to collect a small bag full of ONLY red candy.(*)

Heart asplode.

(*) Red is her favorite color by an infinite margin. (**)
(**)Cherry nerds, Strawberry Laffy Taffy, red lollipops, and KitKats, if you must know.

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Posted in kids, rose, Uncategorized

Tagged kids, rose

I think I'm finally getting the hang of this parenting thing

Posted on January 8, 2010 | 3 Comments

Tonight we added additional characters to the bedtime story routine. As you may recall, we already had:

Simon, the brave man (Perhaps a spy. Has gadgets. Smells of old leather).
Iceblock, the whale (Baleen. Gigantic migratory route. Occasionally, can fly (a la Dirigible Behemothaur).)
George, the monkey (Curious. Always seems to be in some sort of trouble. Midget repellent.)
Bobo, the Penguin (Comic relief. Jollier than a bucket of leprechauns. Does not want to return to Hoboken.)

Now we must add:

Lucky, the cat (For those occasions requiring a character who can't be bothered to advance the plot).
Grit, the cabbage (Somewhat Flumpy (from the heat (from being carried in the brave man's pocket)). Apparently, destined to die/wilt/be consumed in every episode, like Kenny/Poster Nutbag. Bit of a grouch, and his speech is quite muffled (the pocket, again).)
Tommy, the youthful but vigilant defender of the garden.
Sally, the unfortunately underwritten Mary Sue.

Those last two, whose names are variable but whose roles are fixed, joined the party and have been incorporated into the canon after last night, when Rose brought a tear of joy to my eye by requesting the Slug's tale. I asked, which Slug's tale? and she says "the one where they laugh their slimy laugh, huh-huHHH, huh-huHHH, huh-HUHHH, and keep on eating the juicy lettuces." Who's got two thumbs and a 4 year old who asks for a recitation of Orb samples at bedtime? ME!

A final tip: with 4-6 year olds, apparently, ANY story is hysterical if told in a Mortimer Snerd voice. If you can get three or more Mortimers in the same story, plus maybe a genial wino or something, that's comedy gold. Hence, I now must occasionally tell the tail of the Three Billy Goats Dumb and the Tramp in the Alley.

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Posted in calvin, kids, rose, Uncategorized

Tagged calvin, kids, rose

Since when does Rob Liefeld work for Nerf?

Posted on January 6, 2010 | 1 Comment

He bought it with his own Grandparent-gifted Christmas money

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Posted in calvin, kids, Uncategorized

Tagged calvin, kids

Protected: a new record

Posted on January 6, 2010 | Enter your password to view comments.

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Tagged people who should be slapped, work

Parenting in the Internet Age

Posted on January 5, 2010 | 2 Comments

Last night, during the "funny stuff" part of bedtime tuck-in, in a fit of brainlock, I ALMOST told Calvin and Rosie the story of Charlie the Unicorn. I recovered in time to tell a story about a different unicorn and a different candy mountain, with no gruesome punchline. but I DID keep the magical leopluradon.

Then we went back to the tales of Bobo the Penguin, Iceblock the Whale, George the Monkey, and Simon the Brave Man. and so to bed.

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Posted in calvin, kids, rose, Uncategorized

Tagged calvin, kids, rose

My First Playlist ™

Posted on January 5, 2010 | 7 Comments

Sometime around Halloween, Calvin piped up at dinner and said, "I want to learn how to read." When probed for the source of his sudden interest, he replied that "You need to know how to read to be able to use an iPod!"

The end justifies the means, right? pulled out the workbooks we used with Nina and they started working through them at bedtime. Calvin being Calvin, attention-span was an issue, but by the same token his glee at figuring out words and phonics and so forth lit up the room. There was a brief moment of iPod touch lust (over a lava lamp game, actually), but in a subsequent pillow conversation Calvin declared that it was all up to Santa which version he got and he mostly wanted to play his songs over and over again. Shortly thereafter, he read about half of _Go Dog, Go_ to me, including working out about 10 new words all on his own. Santa was satisfied, and Calvin received the same iPod Nano 4g that his father and sister own.

and what did he want to listen to?

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Posted in calvin, kids, Uncategorized

Tagged calvin, kids, music, nina

Oh COME ON NOW

Posted on December 15, 2009 | 5 Comments

You probably read the story already, but did you see the video? Tool using invertebrate powers, activate! (Watch through at least 1:05 to see him grip it by the husk).

Travel tip: Don't tell your Japanese co-workers that you don't eat Octopi because they're too smart. Neither the facts nor the humor will survive translation.

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Tagged an especially tricky people, blinded with science!, clutching my head like a stunned monkey, flong